I normally keep my posts kinda silly (because I'm a silly, yet delightful person), but today I might lean more towards my serious side (yes, I do have one). If I was a gambling person, I would be willing to bet money that most blog posts you read today will be talking about Valentine's Day (whether positive or negative). At first I thought, you know what, I'm going to be the exception and not say anything at all. I'll just do my normal "It's OK Thursday" and not even mention it. Then last night I received texts from a few single female friends and after talking to them about almost the exact same thing, I changed my mind and decided to post something after all.
It's kinda hard being single on Valentine's Day (and not for the reasons you are thinking, hear me out). If you don't mention it at all, people think, "oh, it's just too painful for her to talk about since she's single." If you DO say something about how you don't really care, they think, "oh, she's just bitter and sad because she's single." LISTEN UP PEOPLE (yeah, I'm talking to you). Don't you realize that people can be single AND happy? I know lots of people in relationships (dating and married) who are miserable, so don't tell me I can only be happy when I'm in a romantic relationship.
I feel at times singles are treated like we need to be in a support group. "Hi, my name is Rachel. I'm 27 years old (okay, I'm really 34, I just like to think I still look 27), and I'm single". If you are single, you know what I'm talking about, right? You show up at a party, a wedding, or a family function without a date or significant other, and you feel like people are giving you that sympathetic, "oh, I'm so sorry you are by yourself" look. Thanks for making me feel like I have a disease.
After texting my friends last night (we were all agreeing we keep hearing the same things from our friends about our dating life), I decided to come up with a list for you to consider when dealing with your single friends (this is probably more for single ladies, but I'm sure it would apply to single guys too). These were items that my friends and I agreed on. And I'm not saying this applies to EVERYONE, it's just something to think about. Also, I say this with all the love in my heart so please don't think I'm mad or saying this in a mean or bitter way. I do love you all!
1. Please, for the LOVE OF STEVE AVERY, stop saying, "You are such a great person and a wonderful "catch", I don't understand how you are single.". You know what, I am an AWESOME person, you don't have to tell me that. I already know it. I love sports, action movies, and can cook 8 meals not using a microwave- what's not to love? I AM a big deal (I mean, I DO have 1,307 followers on Twitter- people who don't even know me like me). I know you think you are being encouraging when you say that, but you know what, you aren't. So please, stop.
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| See, told ya! :) |
2. If you have a single guy friend you want to introduce me to, first of all, please don't make it awkward and have a one-on-one meeting. Have a party or get together where there are other people there so it's not obvious we are both single and you are trying to set us up. That makes it uncomfortable for both parties involved. Second, just because he's single and has a pulse doesn't mean we are going to hit it off, so don't be offended if I don't like your friend (or vice versa).
3. Don't tell me I'm being "too picky" when it comes to guys. Now, I have accepted the fact that I'm not going to end up with Craig Gentry or Ryan Gosling (I'm a little sad about it, but I've accepted it), but I do have things I'm not willing to negotiate on when it comes to my dating relationships.
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| I'll use any excuse to put a picture of those two on my blog! ;) |
You know my faith is very important to me (if you didn't know it, you know it now). If he doesn't love the Lord, it's not going to work. I can tell you that right now. He can be the sweetest and nicest [insert religion or non religion here] out there, but I just know from my past dating relationships, if we don't agree on our faith, there is no point in even trying. I'm not trying to sound snobby when I say that, so please don't read that as me being conceited or that I think only Christian guys are worthy of dating me, I'm not saying that at all. I've dated some Christian guys who were really NOT worthy of dating me (but that's a story for another day). I just know when it comes to ME, faith is THE big thing. I could accept the fact that he doesn't like country music, or Dr Pepper, or even if he wasn't a Texas Rangers fan (although that would make baseball season very awkward for us). :) That being said, don't think just because he goes to church that means we are going to hit it off. If Christians just needed to find another single Christian and they would immediately fall in love, there would be no single groups at churches. :)
4. If you haven't seen me in a while, please don't ask, "so, are you dating anyone?" If I'm dating someone (and if I want you to know I'm dating someone), I'll let you know, trust me. That being said, yes, I've dated and haven't talked about it on my blog or updated Facebook about it. I'll let you know when I'm ready to let you know. I even dated a guy close to a year that my family and some friends never knew about (I'm pretty sure that statement is going to open a can of worms next time I see people). Seriously, ask me questions like "what's new?","anything interesting going on in your life?", "Has Craig Gentry put a restraining order out against you yet?" etc. If I'm dating and ready to tell you, I will.
5. One of my friends last night was dealing with this situation and she knew I could relate. Please don't criticize my morals and what I do (or in this case, DON'T do) in my dating relationships. I respect your beliefs/morals and how you live your life, please respect mine and don't tell me I'm crazy for it.
This wasn't meant to call anyone out or to sound like I don't appreciate your concerns about my life (because I do), but again, I feel at times married people (or even people in dating relationships) all of a sudden forget they were ever single and they are now the expert in what you should and shouldn't do. Think back to when you were single and ask yourself if you would have wanted someone to say or do that to you, that's all.
Okay, I'm off my soapbox. I really hope that didn't offend anyone, that was not my intention at all. I hope you are still with me, thanks for reading. I do hope that you all have a great Valentine's Day (whether you are single, married, dating, etc). Just think- tomorrow all Valentine's Day candy is marked down 50%. :)
XOXO!!
February Photo Challenge:
Day 14: Fruit
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| I love strawberries! |
Wow! Just Wow! That is a good list. I remember being at church and I was in a women's bible/Book study and they basically said the role of women Biblically is to be a wife and mother and I thought, "Oh my God, I have failed GOD". I walked out crying. Later on in this book study (Written by a woman, no less) she adds that it is okay to be single too. Well, gosh, thanks! I didn't know I needed to apologize for it or get permission from the church for it. I kind of take pleasure in the fact that I don't have a divorce to count amoung my many mistakes. Go GIRL!!!
ReplyDeleteThe best part about being single? I can do nice things on Valentine's Day or any day for any of the women in my life and no one gets jealous or offended.
ReplyDeleteOh...my Texas friend...once again you have scanned my brain and except for a few differences, you have written out what I only keep to myself. Thank you. If you weren't already my favorite TX friend...you would be today. Please don't let the fact that you are my only TX friend make you feel that my sentiment isn't genuine. ;) I love this...couldn't have written it better myself. I don't alway *like* being single...but I've come to grips with it and I'm OK with it for now.
ReplyDeleteI could go on & on...but I'll just end with another rousing "thank you"
applause all around
Your NC friend,
Jenn
This is so great. Thanks for saying what all single people wish they could... But it's usually brushed off even if we try.
ReplyDeleteLove ya.
P.S. Craig Gentry would never take out a restraining order on you. :)
No offense taken by me! :) Great post. Single girls unite!!!
ReplyDeleteAmen my sister! And you know what? The DAY after you get married people would simply start asking you when you're going to start having kids. Ya can't win, I tell ya! So kudos to you and hang in there for all of the people who can't come up with a good opening greeting like "Hello RaeRaeHollywood! What fabulous thing have you done lately?"
ReplyDeleteI love this!! I was the happiest single girl in the world until I met THE one. Why is being single such a stigma?? I don't get it. I don't feel like I have more value now that I'm married than I did when I was single. It's ridiculous. I think a lot of it comes from a place of genuine care-- people in happy relationships want the people they love to have the same joy they do. But it often comes across as pushy and annoying. I promise to not ask you if you're dating anyone next week. ;) Happy Valentine's Day, friend!!
ReplyDeleteI have been married 47 years and have been a married single in church for almost 40 years as a married single. I was not walking with the Lord when we married. He's a great guy but doesn't love the Lord like I do. Thankfully he has always given me space to be, my own person. They don't have a place for us either............................usuallly at least singles have a group. The Lord has been more than enough for me. I function very well with couples if they give you a chance.
ReplyDelete