Thursday, July 20, 2017

Thoughts For Thursday

My heart hurts with all the recent news stories about people committing suicide. It seems to be an unsettling growing trend (or maybe we are just now more aware of it). And it doesn't just affect a certain group of people. Military veterans, school-aged kids, celebrities- you have people who seem to have it all that end up taking their own life. And most of the time the loved ones left behind say they had no clue anything was wrong. If your social media feed is anything like mine, people usually post a suicide prevention hotline number when a story like this goes public (usually after a celebrity takes their own life- like today with Chester Bennington). While I understand their intentions are good in posting the number, I honestly don't think that helps (but it certainly doesn't hurt by any means). 

I'm afraid the people who need that help the most aren't going to ask for it. And that scares me. It scares me that I could have a friend battling some horrible demon that no one knows about and even though they know that I'm here (as well as other people), they aren't reaching out for help. They are struggling internally with whatever is wrong. I know because I've been there. Oh, and I'm not saying I have ever had suicidal thoughts or deep bouts of depression, don't misunderstand me. I just know what it's like to need help and not ask for it. When I was seriously struggling with my PTSD and anxiety, I tried my best to be "okay". And I wasn't trying to be okay for myself, I was doing it for everyone else. I would put on a brave face so much of the time and tried to be the person I was before my carjacking happened. I would be fine when I was out with friends but then I would be a basket case when I was home and alone with my thoughts. I have a lot of friends who to this day say they had no clue I was struggling so much, they thought I was doing perfectly fine. For the record, I'm doing MUCH better now (thanks to a great support system and an awesome therapist). And I really mean it, I'm not just putting on a brave face for the sake of this post.

People only let you see the part of them that they want you to see. A lot of you reading this post may have never met me in person. I'm just someone you follow on Twitter and you decided to click on my blog link. Or maybe you have been a follower of my blog for a while. You only know what I share (and granted, sometimes I overshare, but I won't apologize for that). I wish I had answers or even suggestions on how to help those who don't want (or think they don't need) help. But I don't. All I can say to them is be honest with your family and friends. Be honest with yourself. Don't be afraid to ask for help. 

I don't know why I decided to post all of this today (and I'm sorry that it's just a bunch of rambling that doesn't flow together, I'm writing in a hurry). It's not like I think someone is going to read it and all of a sudden a light is going to go off and they realize they need help. But I feel sometimes people who are struggling internally need to hear that they aren't alone- it happens to everyone. Don't think someone has their life together just because of what they post online or what you think you know about their life. If you are struggling today, just remember this: You are amazing. You are worthy of happiness. You are loved. 


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