I know my blog is silly a lot of times, because, well, I'm a silly (but delightful and charming) person. But I'm gonna go all serious on y'all for just a minute (I promise to return you to my normal silliness soon, just give me a second here). I've been struggling with some issues lately (no, I'm not going to go into them, I have to keep SOME things private), but it's gotten to the point where they are almost wearing me down. I try to be a happy-go-lucky person and not show that anything is wrong (I sometimes succeed at this, and I sometimes fail miserable at this). Lately I've just felt so...lost. Honestly, I can't even really put it into words, but I've almost hit a breaking point. I posted last week on Facebook that I wanted to write a book and call it, Are You There God, It's Me, Rachel! Although I have a feeling if I did, I'd get a lovely letter from Judy Blume (well, her lawyer at least) letting me know I couldn't do that.
I never try to make people think I'm this perfect Christian (because you know what, there aren't any. If anyone claims to be a perfect Christian, tell them to read the Bible. And if they are on TV and say it, don't send them your credit card information). You know y'all, I make mistakes. I screw up on a daily basis (yes, daily). I AM NOT PERFECT. There, I admitted it. I really hope I don't lose followers for admitting I'm not perfect! ;)
This morning I was catching on my daily Bible reading (I may or may not have been a few days behind on it). BTW, I love my Bible app on my iPhone because it has the audio version, so I can listen to it while I work. As I was listening to the scriptures for today, I realized that it's been a long time since I just sat and talked to God. Don't get me wrong, I mean, I've prayed and all, but I realized I haven't just spilled my guts to Him about what's on my mind (which is funny because He already knows it, it's not like I'm hiding anything from Him). I have no problem when it comes to praying for my friends' problems, issues and heartaches, but I tend to skip over mine when praying. No, I don't know why, I just put my heartaches and issues to the side.
Confused? Well, the best way I can describe it is like this: you know how you can comment on a friend's Facebook status (or "like" the status), so you've been "in touch" with them, but the two of you haven't really sat down and had a heart to heart talk? That was how I was feeling about God. I've "liked" His status and commented on His page, but we haven't really spent time together. (Yes, God is up there shaking His head that I just compared my relationship with Him to Facebook). I find it funny that I'm asking God where He's been when he's like, "um, helloooo, I'm right here, where are you?" Okay, I really don't think God ever uses the phrase "um, helloooo", but you know what I mean. I realized that God hasn't put the distance between us, it's me. Now, how do I go to Him with my problems/issues/heartaches when I haven't really been talking to Him in the first place?
Still with me? I promise this train of thought has a caboose, thank you for bearing with me. So, I was actually trying to get motivated to write a Tuesday Tunes post today and starting thinking about an artist to feature and I thought of Jeremy Camp (I love him). In my YouTube search to find videos of his songs, this one came up.
For those who don't feel like listening to the lyrics, here they are (but I really think you should listen to the song, it's good):
The reason why I stand
The answer lies in you
You hung to make me strong
Tho my praise was few
When I fall I bring your name down
But I have found in you
A heart that bleeds
Forgiveness replacing all these thoughts of painful memories
And I know your response will always be
(Chorus)
I'll take you back, always
Even when your fight is over now
I'll take you back, always
Even when the pain is coming through
I'll take you back
You satisfy this cry of what I'm
looking for And I'll take all I can
and lay it down before
The throne of endless grace now
that radiates what's true
I'm in the only place that erases
all these faults that have overtaken me and
I know your response will always be
(Chorus)
I can only speak with a grateful heart
As I'm pierced by this gift of your love
So, why did I feel the need to post this particular song? Honestly, I don't know. To me it's a reminder that God is always there, ready to "take me back", no matter how "distant" I've been. Maybe there is someone else out there who needed to hear/read the lyrics today (I can't be the ONLY person out there feeling like this, can I?) I don't know who all reads my blog. Maybe you have been a follower for a while. Maybe you found my blog through someone else. Maybe you saw the link on Twitter and thought you would check it out. Maybe you are a lawyer for Judy Blume. Whoever you are, I would like to think I wrote this post today to help at least one other person out who might be struggling.
Wow, that was a long post today, sorry about that. Wait, you know what, I'm not sorry. I truly believe I was meant to write this today. Thanks for reading my friends!! Love you all!
Oh, before I forget, you MUST go check out my friend Judy's AWESOME homemade soap giveaway!! (No, NOT Judy Blume). :) Click here (or on the picture below) to be directed to the link. If you want more information on her soaps, click here. Giveaway ends THIS Friday at 10pm. While you are checking out her giveaway, take a look around her blog and tell her howdy! She's one of the sweetest people I know. She has posts of the best recipes (warning: she usually includes pictures of what the dishes looks like, so beware, you will get hungry just looking at them!) :) I also love her pictures of her vacations to London. I told her next time she goes, I'm sneaking in her carry-on luggage! :)
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| Photo courtesy of Cranberry Morning |
i love that song. seems like whenever i stray God has that perfect song picked out for me...funny how he does that for us.
ReplyDeletealso? totally convinced that whenever DC Talk "Jesus Freak" plays its because God wants me to smile.
Wow. You were NOT the only one who needed that song or is feeling that way. I have for months. I'm talking to him but it's not genuine. Itsquick meaningless selfish and on and on. Thank you for posting this. I feel like my head is always spinning. No time to cook dinner or eat let alone talk to god yet I have time to watch my tv shows? Oh gosh. Thanks for posting Rachel. We should do a bible study at work.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing that Rachel. I honestly think that I was meant to go here today!! I haven't been have the one on one conversations with God myself lately & this brings that to home. Thank You Sweetie!! That song seriously is one of my favorites because it proves that no matter what we do as humans God will always be there to welcome us back into a relationship with him no questions asked. God Bless!
ReplyDeleteJudy Blume was one of my fave childhood authors :) Thanks for sharing your heart today. The Lord loves you tons & is so faithful to come through even when we can't see from point a to point b. You know all that already...just know He also has me pray for you, which means you're totally on His heart. <3 Jen
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting about my lovely GIVEAWAY!!! :-))
ReplyDeleteBut really, Rachel, what I wanted to say was that God does not operate on a quid pro quo basis. He knows our frame, that we are but dust. I used to feel the same way, that I needed to get my act together before approaching Him. That is so foolish (sorry, but it took me years to learn that) because God, the Creator of the Universe, the Lord of all is NOT impressed with our performance. He wants our repentance and a humble heart. And he never turns anyone away. There is nothing like the sweet fellowship of repentance, pouring our heart to the only One who can forgive sins and heal hearts. Get alone with God and enjoy His company. As John Piper says, 'God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in HIM.' :-))
hi .. i like your post, thank.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way you do, A LOT. I have no issues praying for friends and family, but I often forget about myself and my needs. My dad is always telling me to talk to God like he's a friend, just talk and he'll listen. He always does! <3
ReplyDeleteGirl, I feel that way too sometimes. I love that Jeremy Camp song. The one I really listen to when I need it is "Give Me Jesus" by him too. Sometimes I just don't even know what to say but I listen to that song and pray along with it-- God always pours his peace into me.
ReplyDeleteI've really been learning this year how much God wants to have a two-way conversation with me. He WANTS to hear the little things. Even though he knows, he wants me to come to him and deal with them with Him. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to "burden" God with little stuff, but that's not what he wants.
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteYou aren't the only one struggling I can promise you that.
I never knew how to really talk to God. Not meaning I didn't know how to pray but I didn't know how to have a relationship with Him.
Then a friend said something to me that instantly turned the light bulb on. "God just wants you to hang out with him." It's no different than sitting down to lunch or dinner with a close friend and having a conversation.
Spend time in silence and listen for that still small voice. God says "My sheep hear My voice." It couldn't be more true.
Keep your head up and keep pressing into Father. When you do, He'll show up bigger than you could ever imagine.