Monday, September 30, 2013

Being a Good Friend...

I know, I don't post for weeks, and my first post looks all serious. Hey- it happens. I'll get back to goofy posts eventually (I have so many pictures I have to share with y'all). One of these days I'll quit being so lazy about updating my blog. I have been slacking lately. No real excuse on why I'm not posting, just pure laziness.

I wanted to post today about friends and friendship. I am so blessed to have many great friends. Someone was joking with me one time that I have too many friends, but I don't think a person can ever have too many friends. To quote my favorite angel: "Remember no man is a failure who has friends." (Okay, if you don't know that is a quote from It's A Wonderful Life, we can't be friends anymore....just kidding. But I will make you watch it with me if you confess you've never seen it). :)

I've been thinking about this for a while, but haven't been able to get the words down on paper (or down on my blog in this case). I'm not sure I'm going to do a good job of it now-thoughts are running through my head and it's kinda hard to organize them. I blame my A.D.D. :) Okay, here I go....

When things are going great, it's easy to be a good friend. But what about those times when you feel you should tell a friend something you know they don't want to hear? And I don't mean if a friend asks you if you like their outfit and you think it's hideous, I'm talking about stuff bigger than that. What if you feel a friend is doing something they really shouldn't, or making a decision they aren't in a place to make at that time. What if you feel a friend is about to repeat the past of something that hurt them before? Do you tell them and risk them getting mad, or do you sit back and hope for the best? Which is being a better friend- telling them your true feelings about the situation or letting them possibly get hurt and being there to "pick up the pieces" afterward? No one likes to see a friend get hurt, but at what point do you have to just sit back and let them do it on their own? I understand, NO ONE likes being told they might be doing something they shouldn't. It's very easy to get defensive, I'm sure we've all been there. But would you get more upset with your friend for expressing their concerns ahead of time, or after the fact and learning they had concerns and didn't speak up?

Am I making sense? My mind is a million other places today, so I'm not sure my words are coming together. I look at it like this: It's like telling a little kid not to touch a stove because it's hot. Even though you told them, it might take them touching that stove once to realize you were telling the truth- hey, that's hot and hurts. But what if the kid tries to touch the stove again? You know that they know it's hot, you watched them touch it before. Do you stop them and say, "hey- remember, that hurt before", or do you let them get hurt again? Maybe that was a bad example. I'm going to have CPS tracking me down asking why I'm letting children touch hot stoves. CPS: I'M NOT LETTING KIDS TOUCH HOT STOVES- IT WAS JUST AN EXAMPLE. But seriously, does that make sense?

I'm curious to get feedback on this one. Feel free to tweet me or comment below with your responses. 



  1. I totally get what your asking...only I don't have a real answer.
    had a friend who kept going back to a bad relationship. eventually I came to accept there was nothing I could say/do to change her choices. she had to be the one to live with the consequences.

  2. it's a tough one, i think in the long run honesty is the best policy - they don't have to listen to you after all.

    alternatively don't but be there to help pick up the pieces if you need to.

  3. I think it depends on a lot of factors. One being the seriousness of their behavior and the extent of the potential harm. If you think they're just being an idiot, then I say leave them to it. But if it's really serious, then you'd have a responsibility to speak up. Another being how close you are with that person-- if it's a really good friend, you should be able to tell him/her what you think and expect that they'll hear it in the loving and concerned manner which you mean it. There's a better than good chance that they won't listen to you. But, sometimes someone just needs to hear the words that they're making a mistake to turn around. And if you don't say it, who will?

  4. Maybe they already know how you feel and they think you don't really know the entire story. They probably appreciate your concern but they also appreciate that you just leave to be because someone else already has made the point and it isn't going to change the situation.