Martha vs Maxine

If you know me, you know that I'm not the world's best cook. Okay, I'm not much of a cook at all. If it doesn't go in the microwave, or you can't just boil water and toss it in, I don't even bother trying to make it. What can I say, I took wood shop in junior high instead of home economics (author's note: a friend and I took wood shop because we realized we would be the only girls in a class full of boys. Our plan worked. Wood shop class is where I met my 8th grade boyfriend!) ;) Uh-hem, moving on...

Anyways, I got this in an email the other day and it made me laugh really hard. With Thanksgiving coming up next week I thought I would share some words of wisdom from both Martha Stewart and Maxine. I LOVE Maxine!! :) She is my kind of cook!!

Martha's Way:

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Maxine's Way:

Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyways!

Martha's Way:

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Maxine's Way:

Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's Way:

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Maxine's Way:

Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you!

Martha's Way:

If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant fix-me-up.

Maxine's Way:

If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it taste."

Martha's Way:

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting it in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Maxine's Way:

Celery? Never heard of it!

Martha's Way:

Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Maxine's Way:

The Mrs. Smith frozen pie crust directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

Martha's Way:

Cure for a headache: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Maxine's Way:

Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! ALL your pains will go away!

Martha's Way:

If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Maxine's Way:

 

Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Martha's Way:

Don't throw out leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Maxine's Way:

 

LEFTOVER WINE?? HELLO??